A couple of days after Rusty passed away, Scout went blind. He already had cataract, so I guess I knew it would happen eventually. But to see it actually happen, was heart-breaking. He was like a timid little puppy when it happened, taking tiny steps, not sure where he was headed. He kept banging into walls, stepping into his water bowl and tripping, even tripping on a tiny one inch step on the porch. He was so scared and totally disoriented. I knew it was bad when he pooed around his sleeping area instead of his usual spot. To make it worse, Scout's hearing had also deteriorated over the past few months. So now he could only use his sense of smell and touch.

I did some reading online and was relieved to know that he would get used to it. I followed some of the tips given by other owners with blind dogs, and hoped for the best. He did get used to it after a few days. He knew where his sleeping spot was, and he knew where to pee and poo. He wasn't so afraid if he hit something. He would just go the other way around. And he got used to that one inch step and didn't trip on it anymore. He used it as a guide cause he knew that one inch indicated where he usually would sleep.

But I noticed he wasn't drinking much water. I was worried that maybe he didn't know where his water bowl was. So I would take the water and hold it up to his face. He would appease me by taking a sip, but that's about it. Which means it wasn't that he couldn't find his water. He just didn't want it. So I incorporated water into his diet. I would put a whole mug of water and stir it up with his rice and meat to make it into a soupy dish. And he lapped it all up.

My brother had gone to Penang for the weekend with my mom. So I was the only one tending to Scout. On Saturday night, I went home and fed him his dinner. He licked every single grain of rice. He even drank water from his bowl so I was quite pleased.

A few friends were over at my house that night so I was awake till rather late. At 4am, I heard Scout making some sort of scratching sound. I went to check on him and realized he had difficulty standing up. In his old age, his paws were starting to lose grip. He likes to sleep on this plastic mat thing which is rather slippery and couldn't get the grip to stand. So I went outside and helped him up. I was so worried that he might have the same problem as Rusty before she passed but after helping him up, he walked absolutely fine on his own. So I took a soft carpet door mat and placed it at his sleeping spot so that it would give him more grip to stand. Watched him for awhile and he went back to sleep comfortably on it.

The next morning, I woke up and got ready for work as usual. As I walked out of my front door, I saw Scout lying sideways in front of the gate panting heavily with his tongue hanging out at the side. I rushed to him. He was burning hot from the sun. My dad helped me carry him into the shade. I didn't know what to do. I took some water and poured it on his tongue hoping he would drink it in case he was dehydrated but he didn't respond to me and kept panting. I took some water in my hands and rubbed it on his hot body hoping to bring down the temperature.

Called our regular vet but I think they are closed on Sundays cause nobody answered the phone. Called my brother in Penang and he gave me the phone number of another vet in Kota Damansara. They were open so I rushed Scout to them. I was slightly peeved cause I ran in and told them it was an emergency, but they took their own sweet time...

Eventually they attended to Scout after I filled out some forms. They gave him two injections to bring down the fever. Then they said he needed drips to stabilize his condition. They couldn't tell what was wrong with him, but suspected that he was in shock. What he was in shock from, I don't know....

They asked me if I wanted to run a blood test. I told them that they were the vets. Do whatever they thought was best to save him. Money doesn't matter. Just do it.

They carried him away and said they would call me later.

For the rest of the afternoon, I was lying on the floor. It is something weird that I do when I'm sad, worried, angry, etc. I curl up on a small carpet on my room floor, and just lay there. Unable to do anything. Feeling helpless. Sometimes I lay there for hours on end without the fan or lights on. I know it's strange and I can't explain why I do it.

And so that's where I lay all afternoon. On the cold hard floor. Waiting for my phone to ring. The vet closes at 4pm on Sundays. I waited and waited.

Just before closing time, they called to update me. Scout had been stabilized. He couldn't stand up, but he could consciously lift his own head up and he wasn't panting as heavily anymore.

Good news though they would still need to keep him there that night.

I got off the floor and could resume my day. I went for mass and prayed for Scout.

The whole night, I was feeling guilty and worried. Scout was all alone. All alone in a small kennel with tubes hooked to his legs. Confused, I'm sure. He couldn't see, he couldn't hear. I felt so guilty that I couldn't be there with him though I knew that was impossible, but the feeling lingered.

First thing in the morning, the vet called me.

Scout had passed away.

They found him in the morning, already gone.

The guilt has been eating me up all day. I wish I could have been there for Scout when he took his last breath. I wish he didn't have to die in some foreign kennel with tubes stuck to his body. I wish he wasn't alone. I wish I could say goodbye...

I still don't know how he died or what happened. They were going to do the blood test in the morning. Maybe he was dehydrated. Maybe he hit his head and fell. Maybe he was lonely and heart broken from missing Rusty. Maybe he wanted to pass away on his own, to save us the hurt from seeing him die. Maybe he was just old and his body was shutting down. Maybe, maybe, maybe....

In just over two weeks, my family has lost both our dogs.

We buried them next to each other. I hope Rusty was there in heaven to greet Scout and they are happily chasing cats and squirrels.

I will remember the first day we got them, how they were running around like maniacs in our huge compound back in Section 12. I will remember how they didn't ever understand the game 'fetch' when they were puppies. I will remember how they would be so pesky and would disturb our big German Shepard, Bobby, who was also in his final days back then. I would remember how they would always run out of the house for some adventure and not come back for hours till they had traumatized all the cats in the neighborhood. I will remember how they would proudly produce dead animals left on our front door as a 'gift' for us. I will remember how Scout and Rusty loved to kiss each other, licking each others tongue. I will remember how Rusty could skillfully open a Rambutan fruit using her paws and mouth while Scout wouldn't even bother but would try to steal the Rambutan after Rusty was done opening it. I will remember how Scout would like to bite Rusty's bum. I will remember how Rusty would sleep by the gate everyday waiting for Scout to return when he went missing in the drain for 5 days. I will remember how Rusty would love to sunbathe in the sun while Scout would look for the coolest corner, far away from sunlight.

But most of all, I will remember how much joy these two lovely dogs have brought me and my family for over a decade.

Goodbye Scout and Rusty.... I will miss you two mutts dearly....